A Non Productive Day

I just forced myself to eat oatmeal after 7 years. Hopefully it will lower my cholesterol. AND I just took NyQuil so I'm a little drugged up and will probably pass out any minute now.

I feel like I will have to make a drastic decision in my life soon. We'll see how it goes but making this decision will change the path that I'm in right now. It's hard to know what you really want. I am getting old.. but getting old just gives you more problems or stress you have to deal with. Sometimes good stress or sometimes bad, depending on your outlook in life.

Relaxing in the tub tonight (sounds hot but it's not.. I was trying to unplug my nose.. if that's sexy) I had the time to finally look back at my life. I definitely changed a lot. Looking back a year and half ago I was so different. I wasn't in a good place in my life and didn't care about anything really. Many people didn't know that about me, and I loved to hide the fact that I wasn't an over achiever and that I was a "bad girl" in the inside. I had too much pride to admit any of that until about a year ago when I changed my own life. I don't know what compelled me to change. I think I knew that if I continued in this crazy state, I wouldn’t be able to get out of it sooner or later. I will be consumed by this crazy world we live in and my addiction will continue. It’s crazy because I can see people in my life going through the same thing I was but all I can do is sit back and watch. I realize I can’t help them “They have to help themselves before you can help them” However, I’ve slowly seen others recently come out of this crazy state and totally change their lives. I’m so proud of them. I think naturally, when a person is ready.. and there isn't a timetable for when, they will change. I hope that reading this blog will give some sort of inspiration to whoever, just to know that you can always change… but it takes time.

The drugs are kicking in.. and the song "Higher Ground" from Weekend Players is making me sleepy.. check that song out it's so relaxing and makes you feel like your on clouds.